amateur attempt at saying something

preface-sometimes i find putting down words on paper really carthartic and someitmes i wish i could write down what i want and then have it be in disappearing ink so it doesn't have to be seen by other people. usually i just erase the words or the entire blog. my thoughts should not bore other people, but i can still find the process to be a growth expereince, and it is more so when i don't erase or delete and do post it than when i do delete it. the following should be tsaken in that context. i only erased a few sentences.

up and out this morning on legs that i knew weren't ready to run. the last run
steve t. and i did together was on the w&od trail. steve was a hammerer. he didn't like to go slow, but he always liked to say that everybody else was pushing the pace. as most runners would tell you and i am sure it is true of many activities that you do with friends that take some kind of effort to do, that you get to know people when you run with them in the rain and snow and hot and humid days up hills and in all kinds of wind and when you are fresh and when you are tired.

but some guys are always there. and steve was that guy. the one you could count on for sure. who was right where he said he would be when he said he would be there. ray was like that; so was ron and i would like to think i was too. even bill could be that guy. so was frank. so the group with all of its personalities held together. and ran through the days and nights and weather.

and guys came into the group and left the group and sometimes there would be 15 of us running together, but these guys were the group. the others did what these guys did. and now there is no group. people move away and lose touch or get caught up in their own lives. and some pass on.

when my parent's friends started to die i thought that was a shame and that is what happened to older people. but now my friends are passing on. and i can see that it is more than just older people passing away. each one takes a piece of you with them when they go. some more than others to be sure and not like when my dad or grandparents passed away.

and i understand people dying and being lost more than i understand people simply losing touch, but that is my problem and i know that. and every year the marine corps marathon goes on and the cherry blossom race happens and i still have the memories of the group and those and other races. steve and ron and i running marine corps and climbing up that hill the first time i ran 3:06 and we cursed the hill at the end as we ran. and all of the new york marathons we ran together and the nights at ft hamilton and in sleazy hotels on broadway or lexington-memory fades here. and the really greasy but great nyc pizza.

and all of the food that young marathoners could eat and the places that didn't like to see us coming for their all you can eat meals. and ray telling his wife joyce to cook for 20 people when he had 10 friends coming and joyce not quite understanding why until the meal was over.

and the nights we met after work and ran home in the dark picking ron up at IRS and getting in our run and going over the workday and the plans ahead for various races.

and so on legs that practically begged to sleep in i went out to run and headed up to the church and then over to the river. and steve would have thought we were walking i was going so slow, but i was moving and it was his fault of course, though he always liked to blame ron in truth for the pace. i only pushed at the end. i was always a better second half runner. negative splits we said.

down the river i crawled along and the women's crew team was out and so were the cows grazing and the sheep laying down and the horses were on port meadow getting their daily feed of grass in. and on up to the nunnery i headed. and then back down. no sense to be too stupid here. i was not running well enough to get out on the road to wolvercote and so i headed back down.

ran into lorraine here and we took a minute to catch up and arrange a book swap. then she went off to sainsburys (like a safeway )and i went on down the trail. and cut over to the canal and did a little loop there and then back up the river and across port meadow in reverse and down binsey lane and home. about 7 miles. steve would have liked the run if not the pace. someday someone will run in my memory too maybe and i hope they have as pretty a run, but also hope they are less tired. three days in a row now i have run instead of rested, not wise.

home and ate breakfast and watched the london marathon. two good races and a great effort by ryan hall who ran 2:06+. funny that someone could run that fast and get
5th place. i can remember when they said nobody would break 2:07. 2:04 or better is next.

and later off to the golf range. gail kept working on her paper for this week and i worked on my swing. left shoulder was really tight for some reason, though i never felt it at all yesterday. worked about 125 balls today as the rain and wind came and went. not as good as yesterday, but not bad. better position and turn, but shorter swing due to the shoulder. tried 9 and 10 o'clock swings and that was ok. longer was just too tight and was not good. still, some progress was made. as dave peltz says- practice does not make perfect, it makes permanent.

and back home and then took a bus over to harcourt hill, one of the brookes college's campuses. got out and went exploring for some of the hilly woods walks we wanted to do and while gail kept working on her paper i thought i could be the scout team and found three nice trails we could take, all pretty hilly. but nice scenery and i met a bunch of nice people hiking around or walking their dogs and even riding their bikes up the trails. walked for 90 minutes and then went back and caught the bus back home. even on a tired day i managed about 14 miles of running and walking.

and here i am. another day done. not rushing them away. want to go home now, but will just live each day as it comes. even at my age i am not willing to give days away. and change is coming one way or an other.